WHEN DID I START TO LOVE YOU, JESUS?
A Testimony From My Heart--
By Mrs. Vansie Morgan
Maybe it was when Grandmother shielded me from Mama’s spankings and replaced them with soothing
words of counsel and prayer along with the sweet songs of Israel.
Perhaps, I started to love you, when my uncle showed his love for me by escorting me and the rest of our
family to church. I remember how I always held his hand as I skipped along beside him trying my hardest to
aggravate him, which I finally discovered was impossible to do.
Maybe I began to love you too, each time I watched him in his faithful routine of ringing the church bells. I
remember that happy look on his face of eager anticipation and great expectations of our weekly, Friday
night MV (Missionary Volunteer Society). I believe angels rang those bells with him because they created a
sound that welcomed us to dine with you by praises, testimonies, dramas and feasting on Your Word.
I think I may have first started to love you, when Grandmother was laid to rest. I remember passing her
house each morning as we walked to church school. I couldn’t bear to look that way anymore because I did
not want to face the reality of her not being there – as usual, faithfully watching us pass by. I was
accustomed to crying in her arms, but it was through her death that I learned to run to you.
When did I start to love you?
Maybe it was when daddy gave me my first spanking for telling a lie. He cared enough to correct me and
made certain I understood why he had to correct me. Concern for my future roused him to action. I saw
you in daddy’s eyes that day using the rod of correction. After the soreness of his spankings wore off, I felt
so secure, because I knew you cared enough to give me discipline.
Maybe it was when mom noticed her pennies missing and took time to investigate and teach me that
prisons are filled with people that steal. The journey of thieves always begin with stealing from their
parents. And, it starts with pennies she said; then, nickels and dimes begin to disappear. That is followed
by quarters, and they soon become comfortable with stealing dollars. Not only that, but the stealing habits
grow to stealing from other relatives and friends. I heard your voice through mom’s counsel that day and it
has stayed with me to this day. Your rod of correction gives me confidence, and it has always made me
feel special.
I don’t know exactly when I started to love you.
Maybe it was when I was away in Christian Academy as I witnessed the light that shone from the face and
conduct of our Girl’s Dean, Bonnie. She was so pretty and such an example to us girls in the dorm.
Everyone wanted to imitate her. And, her modesty in dress just stood out.
Or maybe it was when you kept my tummy full with such good wholesome vegan-lifestyle foods that woke
us up early every morning at our little academy in the woods. You have used all these things to paint an
image in my mind of who you are. You make me feel so secure.
Maybe it was when I was baptized at the age of sixteen. I think it was the way my pastor hugged me with
tears of joy in the baptistery. Somehow I felt that he was expressing the way you felt about my baptism and
that you were really there. I can’t tell you how confident and secure I feel with the way you have raised and
nurtured me all through my life.
When did I start to love you, Jesus?
Maybe it was when I first got married at the age of twenty. As I walked that isle in white, I felt like I was your
bride.
Maybe I started to love you when my marriage ended up in a divorce. Dumbfounded as to what could have
gone wrong, I turned to you and prayed all night in tears – wounded so deeply. I remember kneeling by my
isolated cabin window looking up at the moon and staying there weeping and talking to you so long until
the moon turned into the early morning sun. It was there that I discovered that you were my husband. I
think I started to love you more and more each day as I watched how you protected me and provided for
me like a husband, indeed.
I think I started to love you when I felt no other man would ever want me again because of desertion by my
first husband - a pain that makes one feel like a no-body. But, it was in the midst of that pain that you
made it known to me how precious I was in your sight.
I think I started to love you most, when you sent me Donell – at a time when I was determined that all I
needed was you, you sent this handsome charming prince into my life and showed me another side of life
that I never knew. The way you brought us together and the way he cared for my two little toddlers from my
previous marriage – as if they were his own, filled me with so much gratitude to you. You sent me just who I
needed to brighten my life.
I don’t know when I started to love you, Jesus.
All I know is that you have proven your love to me and there is no one in this world that could ever love me
as you have – not even Pastor Morgan. I feel like a princess all the time even when I am angry. You have
never left me alone.
Although, I have been sitting alone in these church pews for twenty years (owing to my husband always
having to be up front because he is the pastor), I always feel your presence with me. Even when I cry from
disappointments and grief, I feel your presence beside me. With confidence I know that you would never
allow me to go through so many fiery trials if it wasn’t for my own good. It is your way of preparing me for
some greater trial ahead. As my favorite song says, “I Thank You My Father, For The Refiner’s Fire.”
I love Your personality, too. Although, I have never seen you, I feel like I can trace you.
I don’t know when I started to love you.
All I know is that I really want to see you and spend all eternity with you.
Oh, wait!
I know, I think I just discovered when I first started to love you. It was when you gave me Too-ey, Laila and
Bambino (Donell Morgan III). Yes, I think that’s it. My prayer is that my two little grandchildren will find you in
me just like I found you in my grandmother. Her love was but a reflection of your love that has been lighting
my path all along my journey.
In closing, I think of the stars that will be in so many Grandmothers crowns. They sure know how to love.
May you keep them always in your care and reward them for showing us the path to your heart. And, I am
so blessed! BACK TO ABOUT US
A Testimony From My Heart--
By Mrs. Vansie Morgan
- When did I start to love You, Jesus?
Maybe it was when I saw you as a little girl in my mom’s eyes-when she solemnly
looked beyond the early morning’s horizon from the west end of our little island home at
the dawning of a new day. It was a look of total surrender and a yearning for Your soon
return. I will never forget the Spirit that permeated her whole being and the glow on her
face as she stood there evidently basking in deep meditation of Your Word, and
unaware of my presence - since I was so small at the age of four or five.
- When did I start to love you?
Maybe it was when Grandmother placed me on her lap on that old porch swing and
opened those familiar, back then gold, cloth, covered books filled with inspiration and
awesome pictures. Oh, the time she spent with me telling me stories of faith and trust!
Maybe it was when Grandmother shielded me from Mama’s spankings and replaced them with soothing
words of counsel and prayer along with the sweet songs of Israel.
Perhaps, I started to love you, when my uncle showed his love for me by escorting me and the rest of our
family to church. I remember how I always held his hand as I skipped along beside him trying my hardest to
aggravate him, which I finally discovered was impossible to do.
Maybe I began to love you too, each time I watched him in his faithful routine of ringing the church bells. I
remember that happy look on his face of eager anticipation and great expectations of our weekly, Friday
night MV (Missionary Volunteer Society). I believe angels rang those bells with him because they created a
sound that welcomed us to dine with you by praises, testimonies, dramas and feasting on Your Word.
I think I may have first started to love you, when Grandmother was laid to rest. I remember passing her
house each morning as we walked to church school. I couldn’t bear to look that way anymore because I did
not want to face the reality of her not being there – as usual, faithfully watching us pass by. I was
accustomed to crying in her arms, but it was through her death that I learned to run to you.
When did I start to love you?
Maybe it was when daddy gave me my first spanking for telling a lie. He cared enough to correct me and
made certain I understood why he had to correct me. Concern for my future roused him to action. I saw
you in daddy’s eyes that day using the rod of correction. After the soreness of his spankings wore off, I felt
so secure, because I knew you cared enough to give me discipline.
Maybe it was when mom noticed her pennies missing and took time to investigate and teach me that
prisons are filled with people that steal. The journey of thieves always begin with stealing from their
parents. And, it starts with pennies she said; then, nickels and dimes begin to disappear. That is followed
by quarters, and they soon become comfortable with stealing dollars. Not only that, but the stealing habits
grow to stealing from other relatives and friends. I heard your voice through mom’s counsel that day and it
has stayed with me to this day. Your rod of correction gives me confidence, and it has always made me
feel special.
I don’t know exactly when I started to love you.
Maybe it was when I was away in Christian Academy as I witnessed the light that shone from the face and
conduct of our Girl’s Dean, Bonnie. She was so pretty and such an example to us girls in the dorm.
Everyone wanted to imitate her. And, her modesty in dress just stood out.
Or maybe it was when you kept my tummy full with such good wholesome vegan-lifestyle foods that woke
us up early every morning at our little academy in the woods. You have used all these things to paint an
image in my mind of who you are. You make me feel so secure.
Maybe it was when I was baptized at the age of sixteen. I think it was the way my pastor hugged me with
tears of joy in the baptistery. Somehow I felt that he was expressing the way you felt about my baptism and
that you were really there. I can’t tell you how confident and secure I feel with the way you have raised and
nurtured me all through my life.
When did I start to love you, Jesus?
Maybe it was when I first got married at the age of twenty. As I walked that isle in white, I felt like I was your
bride.
Maybe I started to love you when my marriage ended up in a divorce. Dumbfounded as to what could have
gone wrong, I turned to you and prayed all night in tears – wounded so deeply. I remember kneeling by my
isolated cabin window looking up at the moon and staying there weeping and talking to you so long until
the moon turned into the early morning sun. It was there that I discovered that you were my husband. I
think I started to love you more and more each day as I watched how you protected me and provided for
me like a husband, indeed.
I think I started to love you when I felt no other man would ever want me again because of desertion by my
first husband - a pain that makes one feel like a no-body. But, it was in the midst of that pain that you
made it known to me how precious I was in your sight.
I think I started to love you most, when you sent me Donell – at a time when I was determined that all I
needed was you, you sent this handsome charming prince into my life and showed me another side of life
that I never knew. The way you brought us together and the way he cared for my two little toddlers from my
previous marriage – as if they were his own, filled me with so much gratitude to you. You sent me just who I
needed to brighten my life.
I don’t know when I started to love you, Jesus.
All I know is that you have proven your love to me and there is no one in this world that could ever love me
as you have – not even Pastor Morgan. I feel like a princess all the time even when I am angry. You have
never left me alone.
Although, I have been sitting alone in these church pews for twenty years (owing to my husband always
having to be up front because he is the pastor), I always feel your presence with me. Even when I cry from
disappointments and grief, I feel your presence beside me. With confidence I know that you would never
allow me to go through so many fiery trials if it wasn’t for my own good. It is your way of preparing me for
some greater trial ahead. As my favorite song says, “I Thank You My Father, For The Refiner’s Fire.”
I love Your personality, too. Although, I have never seen you, I feel like I can trace you.
I don’t know when I started to love you.
All I know is that I really want to see you and spend all eternity with you.
Oh, wait!
I know, I think I just discovered when I first started to love you. It was when you gave me Too-ey, Laila and
Bambino (Donell Morgan III). Yes, I think that’s it. My prayer is that my two little grandchildren will find you in
me just like I found you in my grandmother. Her love was but a reflection of your love that has been lighting
my path all along my journey.
In closing, I think of the stars that will be in so many Grandmothers crowns. They sure know how to love.
May you keep them always in your care and reward them for showing us the path to your heart. And, I am
so blessed! BACK TO ABOUT US
